Week 14 : Peer review for 오도윤

PEER REVIEW

오도윤

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
 3점! 반박 부분에서 반박하는 의견에 대한 정확성이 좀 모자라는 것 같다.

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
반박 부분에서 조금 더 강력한 의견을 가진 반박사항을 제시하면 좋을 것 같다.

Thesis
What is the thesis?
Exercise has an effect on human mind.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes / Yes.

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
똑같이

Any other thoughts?
명확하지만, 어쩌면 당연하다고 생각될 수 도 있을 여지가 있다.

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
반복되는 이야기이지만, 반박부분에서 반대편 사람들의 주장 중에는 정확히 어떤 것일 있는지,, 이런 요소들을 조금더 정확히 표현하면 좋을 것 같다.

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
운동과 관련된 이야기로 시작해 운동에 대한 사람들의 관념도 제시해 attention grabber 역할을 잘 한 것 같다.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?

인용을 한 것은 좋았으나 어떤 사람이 주장한 것인지 정확하게 파악할 수 없다는 점이 좀 아쉽다.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
영향받는 뇌의 기관에 대해 사진까지 첨부하여 내용을 보충할 뿐만 아니라 이해까지도 도왔다.

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
반박에 대한 의견과 그에 대한 해결책을 조금 더 강조하는 것이 좋을 것 같다.

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?

운동이 뇌에 미치는 영향들을 제시하면서 잘 마무리 지은 것 같다.

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
또 반복되지만, 반박에 비해 약한 그 반박에 대항할 의견! (너무 많이 얘기한 듯)

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
찬성

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?

찬성

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
.

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?

반박부분을 강화하고 그에 따른 해결책이나 그에 대한 반박을 강조하고,

Conclusion부분에서는 주장을 강하게 해주면 좋을 것 같다.

Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes

Is the research from appropriate sources?
네

Are the sources obvious?
네
Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?

네

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
없는 것 같다. 

Week 14 : Peer Review for 배홍근

Peer Review

1. 배홍근

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
 4점! 다른 부분들은 대부분 명료하지만, refutation 부분에서 반박에 대한 해결책을 제시할 때, 조금만 더 구체적으로 적었으면 좋았을 것 같다.

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
Refutation의 반박뿐만 아니라 그에 대한 해결만 강화하면 좋을 것 같다.

Thesis
What is the thesis?
Parents should not ban children from the internet.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes / Yes.

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
똑같이

Any other thoughts?
어쩌면 접하거나 생각하기 쉬운 주제이긴 하지만 토론하기에는 적절한 것 같다.

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
반복되는 이야기이지만, Refutation and Concession 부분에서 Refutation은 완벽한데, concession이 그에 비해서는 좀 약한 것 같다.

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
현재 인터넷과 관련한 주제로 시작해서 attention grabber 역할을 제대로 한 것 같다.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Magic box라는 인터넷을 나타내는 적절한 말과 함께 배경지식과 주제에 대한 이야기를 제대로 전개했다. 그리고 주제에 대한 두 가지 입장 다 표명하면서 양쪽의 주장을 다 알 수 있게 했다.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
적당한 비유와 함께 인터넷에 대한 좋은 점들을 하나씩 들어 설명을 잘 한 것 같다.

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
반대의견은 딱 반박하고 싶었던 부분을 골라서 써줬지만, 반박의견에 비해서 concession이 너무 약했던 것 같다.

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?

마지막에 해결책과 함께 의견을 잘 제시하고 마무리한 것 같다.

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
또 반복되지만, 반박에 비해 약한 그 반박에 대항할 의견! (너무 많이 얘기한 듯)

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
나는 확고한 반대

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
완전 동의하지는 않지만 재고의 여지가 생길 정도로 이 주장에 공감하게 되었다.

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
이유들이 타당해서 글 쓴 사람의 의견의 동조할 수 있다. Confirmation이 강력한 역할을 했다.

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?

Conclusion부분에서는 주장을 강하게 해주면 좋을 것 같다.

Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes

Is the research from appropriate sources?
네

Are the sources obvious?
Yes

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
인용한 자료들이 필요한 자리에서 적절히 이용됨

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
없는 것 같다. 

Week 13 : Second draft

Classical music has positive influence on human.

 

 Have you ever heard about the 'Crossover'? There is one of the genres called 'Crossover'. It is the genre that classical music and the other genre are combined. For example, 'Bolling suite for flute and jazz piano trio' is for the classical music and jazz, 'Concerto for Group & Orchestra' is for classical music and rock. Through this genre, you can find that classical music is quite influential to music. Although it had been composed a long time ago, it is still powerful to music and to human and human brain as well. But the effect of the classical music is still discussed. There are people who argue that classical music doesn't affect the human. Although someone's disagreement, it seems like apparently fact that the classical music has an effect on human.
 

  Actually, many people will know about the Mozart effect. There are many studies done before about the Mozart effect. 'Mozart effect' is the finding of the UCI's researchers and Frances Rauscher and it means that listening to Mozart's music can enhance the ability of studying and intelligence. Therefore there were a lot of parents who played the Mozart's music to their children and some of the countries try to support the Classical music industry to increase the people's intelligence. After the appearance of the concept of the Mozart effect, many people studied and worked about this a lot of times, and there are many reasons that can support this hypothesis.

  Not only the Mozart effect, there are still numerous evidence that can prove the positive effect of the classical music. According to Silvia Francesca Magiloce, Classical music has influence on organization and abilities of the brain through its melody and rhythm. Repeated melody is related to the organization of the brain. And the regular rhythm of the classical music has an impact on abilities. This study can prove the Mozart effect apparently. Also there is interesting findings of the same person. Researcher found that effect of the classical music is much powerful than on children. This finding can solve the wonder of why parents try to play the classical music to their children rather than listening to it.
 Actually, there was experiment regarding rats to show the difference of listening to the classical music and not listening to the classical music. The experiment was done in two boxes which were connected by a tube, playing rock music in one box and Bach’s Air on the G string in the other. Most of the rats chose to go in the box with Bach’s music. When the rats were placed in a maze after they listened to music, the rats which chose Bach’s music tend to found the exit much more easily than the ones exposed to rock music. When scientists observed the brains of rats, they could see the ones listening to classical music had far more developed brain than the ones listening to the rock music. By this experiment, it seems that the fact that classical music has positive influence on human becomes more obvious than before. And it revealed that classical music causes physical difference such as developing of brain. Moreover the classical music not only has an effect physically, but also emotionally. Classical music makes people calm and at the same time, it can make people feel joyous. According to one study done by UCI, when people listening to the classical music, brain produces the hormone called serotonin that makes people feel joyous.

 Although I already said about it, the best example of showing effect of the classical music will be the 'Mozart's effect.' It will be much helpful to understand what kind of effect does classical music gives if you read about the Mozart effect.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1281386/

 Also, there are so many veiled effect of the classical music. According to Claudia Frederick, Classical music can affect physically. For example, when people listen to the classical music it can lower the blood pressure and also this can help to cure the symptom of insomnia. Moreover, it can change the brain wave positively, and even babies grow faster.
 Surprisingly, I also can have an effect emotionally. Classical music can help reduce pain and anxiety and some cities use classical music as means to reduce the crime. It means that classical music can help control the emotion of people. Also, it can heighten and arouse emotions. These results of studies and experiments make we realize the effect of classical music. And we can know the fact that classical music does have power to alter some activity of our body and emotion.

 Although the study about Mozart effect and the effect of the classical music is widely done, there are still opponents who disagree with the effect of the classical music. Especially toward the Mozart's effect, the researchers of U.C Irvine showed the research that criticizes the Mozart’s effect. There were three reasons. The first reason was that the improvement caused by classical music was not perfect. The original researchers, Shaw and Rauscher, ignored the two factors among three factors of Stanford-Binet IQ that they used to reveal the enhancement. The second reason was that this experiment lacked the controls. Don Campbell described the reason in his bestseller book, The Mozart effect.

 

Shaw and Rauscher did not administer listening tests before testing, as many researchers in the field recommend. Nor did they examine how posture, food intake, or the time of day modified their listening.

 

Also there are some opinions that effect of the music depends on the personal taste. Personal taste can be variance but generally classical music has effect on human like calming.

 These arguments can refute the effect of the classical music. However, the German research team recently proposed the connection between the IQ development and musical training. The motor and auditory skills developed for musical performance may have a long-term influence on intelligence.

 Many people like to listen to music. But it is hard to find people who like listening to the classical music. As one of the listeners of classical music, I truly desire to explain and spread the effect of the classical music. Listening to the classical music does help you in various ways. It has positive effect in many ways. It can help you physically and emotionally. Even some cities use the classical music to reduce the incidence of crime. This can show us the importance of classical music and its effect. And this is the reason why I want to share the effect and merit of the classical music with other people. There are numerous advantages. It is true that there are some opponents toward the Mozart effect and effect of the classical music. But rather than the shortcomings, there are many positive effects that classical music provides. It helps your brain working well, also helps feel joyous. Therefore, it is obvious that classical music has positive impact on human.

 

 

BIBLIOGRAPHY

http://www.classicalforums.com/articles/Music_Brain.html

http://www.drjoetoday.com/ten-studied-effects-of-classical-music-on-the-brain/

http://www.livestrong.com/article/156814-how-does-the-brain-respond-to-classical-music/

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1281386/

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20130107-can-mozart-boost-brainpower

http://www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-02-06/#feature

http://www.intelltheory.com/mozarteffect2.shtml

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1281386/

 

Week12 : second draft (Sources)

Sources to reinforce the refutation part.
I find the resources that can be helpful to get better.

1.
 http://www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/08-02-06/#feature


2.
 So, does the Mozart effect exist? The generality of the original positive findings has been criticized on the grounds that any Mozart effect is due to `enjoyment arousal' occasioned by this particular music and would not take place in the absence of its appreciation. This interpretation is countered by animal experiments in which separate groups of rats were exposed, in utero followed by a postpartum period of 60 days, to Mozart's piano sonata K448, to minimalist music by the composer Philip Glass, to white noise or to silence and then tested for their ability to negotiate a maze. The Mozart group completed the maze test significantly more quickly and with fewer errors (P <0.01) than the other three groups; thus, enjoyment and musical appreciation is unlikely to have been the basis of the improvement.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1281386/


3.
 
Other researchers have been wary of the findings presented by Rauscher and colleagues. Instead, Mozart effect critics have claimed the spatial intelligence increase to be nothing more than a shift in participants' arousal, which then produces better spatial test scores (Steele, 2000; Thompson, Schellenberg, & Husain, 2001). In essence, their argument is that listening to Mozart's music causes either an increase or decrease in someone's arousal and mood to a level that is more optimal for testing. Personal preference for the music heard in Mozart effect testing may also be a possible influence on increasing spatial test scores (Nantais & Schellenberg, 1999).
http://www.intelltheory.com/mozarteffect2.shtml